Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I could fuck to npr.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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