And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
