My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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