I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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