he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
