did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
