i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Even my vagina gasped.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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