i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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