once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
