I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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