I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
