dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize