Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
