When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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