Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
