i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
