I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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