This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Someone shattered a urinal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
3pm strippers are depressing
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
