The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
