I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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