I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
