so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
