I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i barfeds in our rink
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
