I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
