you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
