how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
