JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
