the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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