u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
