Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
