Fuck appropriateness.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
