Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
