are you so shy because you have an std?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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