Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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