so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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