I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
