I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
