after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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