as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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