Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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