we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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