It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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