We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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