the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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