Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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