I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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