a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
