So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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