return my video game
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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