Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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