I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
