Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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