Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
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If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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