Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
