i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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