he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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