My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
