just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Small penises have feelings too.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
